two steps forward one step back.
this is the most intense thing i have ever experienced. the shock of seeing your face afraid, your eyes blank- when i am so used to seeing them smiling, magical, radiant. the trauma. the flipped switch.
i am a feather in a cyclone. i lay next to nina in bed after the hospital and i keep touching her face. should be familiar. hold me here. hold me here. here. here. who am i? what is a friend, a family, a sister? a face, a body, a brain?
everything, everyone out of focus. that "i can never go home again" feeling.
tomorrow take me to a cracked shell, a smooth stone. lift it and let me look under. let magic be there. let peace be there.
i don't think i like this place anymore.
5 comments:
Carina, Carina.
These words may offer no comfort.
It's just the vessel that's broken.
Holding space for you.
R
You are stronger than you think. Listen to that older than knowing wise voice inside you and accept whatever your afraid of. Much love, much light.
Davka, COME BACK. Rick needs you here, Nina needs you here, everyone not least yourself needs you with your feet on the ground. Go find some trees, girl, and get rooted. Tether yourself to the big rocks and when you see feathers sprouting, tear them out like femmes pluck stray eyebrow hairs. You turn your face to that cyclone and let it push the tears out the corners of your eyes until you can see again. Come back. Don't make me pray over you too.
Our magic is change. Every moment only once!
Caterpillar soup
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